in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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