He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
