i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
