oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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