and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
