I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
