Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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