Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
