We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
