oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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