It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
