I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
