So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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