i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
