So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he thought i was a dude.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
