Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
