More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
