we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize