Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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