So drunk its hurt
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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