Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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