Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
