i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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