guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Screwed.edu
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
