I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
