I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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