I wish i was in the wii world.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize