haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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