Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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