Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
