Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
