She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
