lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
