remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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