All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
