Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
