Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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