just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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