truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
