You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
