I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
