Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
