After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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