I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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