How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
