3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
