I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
