Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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