Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
