Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
