I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize