seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
