I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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