I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
