But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
