things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
