We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
