You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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