I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
