This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize