but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
