Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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