He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
