Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
