It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
