You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
