Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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