I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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