just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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