oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
