But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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