I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As shirtless as possible
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
