Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
