I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
