I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
